Funny Feeling

How do you feel when someone dear died on your birthday?

The first one I remember vividly is when my uncle–my dad’s brother-in-law–passed away on the day of my dad’s birthday. Years after, my aunt–my dad’s sister–refused to “celebrate” my dad’s birthday because she felt she should commemorate her husband’s death instead. I was not my dad, but I, too, felt somewhat a little guilty for him having a birthday but hey, what could we do?

The second one happened to me. I think it was four years ago. I got the news that a friend of mine from uni passed away when I was taking a heavenly shower in the morning of my birthday. Years after, a close friend of that particular friend always sends a reminder, be it by text messages or email, informing the anniversary of our friend’s passing away. It feels weird because all this time I feel that my birthday belongs to me.  Well, of course I share it with every other person in this world, but the feeling should be mutual.  And now, everytime my birthday comes, I have to think about my deceased friend too.  Not that I mind, but it surely leaves me with a mixed feeling afterward.  To be honest, he “haunted” me.  He frequently pops into mind… and it feels weird… because though we were in the same classes, we weren’t that close.  But then I take it that when it happens (he, popping into my mind), I need to send him a prayer.

The third one is the most recent one.  A couple of minutes ago.  Today’s Freya’s birthday, and I’ve just been informed that another one of my aunts passed away today (2 days ago one of my aunts passed away too).  Freya’s too young to know that it’s her birthday and she doesn’t know the concept of extended family yet… but I do.  And today I’m back to that mixed feeling.

So how do you feel when someone dear died on your birthday?


9 thoughts on “Funny Feeling

  1. C'est la vie.
    Sedih pastinya, dan serba salah. Sama halnya seperti saat Hari Raya, tapi juga harus melayat.

    Tapi kayaknya kalau aku cenderung tidak mau berkabung La. Karena yang sudah tidak ada, tetap tidak ada. Yang lebih penting adalah yang masih disamping kita.

  2. Berkabung berkelanjutan sih nggak… Cuma yah yang tadinya hari ini cerah ceria tak berawan tiba2 jadi mendung dikit… dan bingung aja apakah harus menyingkir dari hujan dan tetap mandi matahari atau kehujanan dan membiarkan yang lagi mandi matahari kesepian. Mungkin karena aku gak bisa decide makanya rasanya kayak hujan di siang terik: aneh.

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